I've decided the material is ripe for me to write a situational comedy about life in an office. Cubicles, smelly microwaves, bans on perfume, incompetent staff, it's all there. I just have to write it down.
For example: People eat microwave popcorn (Blast O' Butter, from the smell of it) for breakfast, lunch, afternoon pick me up and pre-drive home snack. If you hate the smell of microwave popcorn, you go talk to the HR folks about it.
Although...plot turn - the HR folks have been banned from making popcorn on their own floor, due to the vocal complaints of one astute sniffer. They now must hike down one floor to get their toxic food-flavoring fix.
What's an office worker to do?
This is truly an award-winning idea; I cannot believe no one has thought of this yet.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
The Transition
Maybe this happens for every soon-to-be mama, but it seems to me there has a come a point where my main focus has gone from protecting with ferocity what I see as my news, my excitement, my prerogative, beyond the decision of the type of birth I want to experience to those all-important, myriad choices of what I will actually do once this little person is here.
Now that people don't need to be told I am expecting my first child, now that the evidence of said arrival is, well, evident anytime you see me, my attention has turned to much more daunting preparations. How long will I breastfeed? Am I jiving with this attachment mothering idea? Am I already setting myself, my husband and my baby up for failure because I don't plan on having them (the baby) sleep in my bed or in one of those bed-attaching crib thingies? How can I make my traditional office job fit in around the edges of the work I actually want to be doing for the next half decade or so? If it doesn't, can I leave it without it being called "dropping out?"
Additionally, how can I shield myself and my family from the ever-increasing outside expectations of how this pregnancy and birth experience will be when those same outside forces also happen to be related to me? How do I express what I want, and is it okay to want what I want when everyone else seems to want something different?
A lot of questions for too early on a Saturday morning from one very exasperated yet hopeful mum.
Now that people don't need to be told I am expecting my first child, now that the evidence of said arrival is, well, evident anytime you see me, my attention has turned to much more daunting preparations. How long will I breastfeed? Am I jiving with this attachment mothering idea? Am I already setting myself, my husband and my baby up for failure because I don't plan on having them (the baby) sleep in my bed or in one of those bed-attaching crib thingies? How can I make my traditional office job fit in around the edges of the work I actually want to be doing for the next half decade or so? If it doesn't, can I leave it without it being called "dropping out?"
Additionally, how can I shield myself and my family from the ever-increasing outside expectations of how this pregnancy and birth experience will be when those same outside forces also happen to be related to me? How do I express what I want, and is it okay to want what I want when everyone else seems to want something different?
A lot of questions for too early on a Saturday morning from one very exasperated yet hopeful mum.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Bacon. The Candy of Meats.
Do you know what happens if you google "quotes about bacon?"
I do.
The first result is an Ogden Nash quote which is actually about bacon (score one for Google).
The second result is Francis Bacon quotes (minus one for Google. Tally = zero).
Sixth down the list was my winner, "Top 10 Quotes About Bacon From Television." With that I give you...
“Special day! Oh, what have I forgotten now? Now, don’t panic. Is it Bacon Day? No, that’s crazy talk!” Homer, The Simpsons
My friend Anne today sent me a link to what is quite possibly the most uplifting Web site in all the land - http://bacontoday.com/.
With such headlines as "Courageous Firefighters Save Bacon Before it Happens," about two little piggies rescued from a well (wait for it...I know, funny, right?) and a recipe for Turbaconducken (Turducken wrapped in bacon, naturally), this is truly a site that has the power to bring hope and unity to a nation torn asunder.
To restore a former glory and recall a history not filled with hatred and spite, but with tolerance and forgiveness.
This, my friends, is the power of bacon.
Bow your head before it's awesomeness.
Turbaconducken
I do.
The first result is an Ogden Nash quote which is actually about bacon (score one for Google).
The second result is Francis Bacon quotes (minus one for Google. Tally = zero).
Sixth down the list was my winner, "Top 10 Quotes About Bacon From Television." With that I give you...
“Special day! Oh, what have I forgotten now? Now, don’t panic. Is it Bacon Day? No, that’s crazy talk!” Homer, The Simpsons
My friend Anne today sent me a link to what is quite possibly the most uplifting Web site in all the land - http://bacontoday.com/.
With such headlines as "Courageous Firefighters Save Bacon Before it Happens," about two little piggies rescued from a well (wait for it...I know, funny, right?) and a recipe for Turbaconducken (Turducken wrapped in bacon, naturally), this is truly a site that has the power to bring hope and unity to a nation torn asunder.
To restore a former glory and recall a history not filled with hatred and spite, but with tolerance and forgiveness.
This, my friends, is the power of bacon.
Bow your head before it's awesomeness.
Turbaconducken
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Namespotting
In order to alleviate some of the guilt I was feeling about not posting regularly because, really, my favorite thing to do with food is eat it and not write about it, I've changed the name of this blog.
Thanks to Mr. Ginsberg's quote up there at the top, I now also don't feel so crummy about my readership, which I am pretty sure consists of my mom.
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks to Mr. Ginsberg's quote up there at the top, I now also don't feel so crummy about my readership, which I am pretty sure consists of my mom.
Thanks, Mom.
I Heart Ideas For the Blog
A month or so back I was frustrated with myself for not taking the time to update this blog more often, so I decided to take advantage of a slow period during the work day (i.e. I was bored of working) to write down a list of things that I'd like to write about.
Still haven't actually written ABOUT any of them, so I thought at the very least I could post the list here. Then it's kind of like writing about them, right?
* Why I like wearing shoes with heels: What it is like to be short
* How I became an obsessive bread baker
* Jamming (as in making some and putting it in a jar, sans botulism)
* The Olympia Farmer's Market: Real life food porn
* The high importance email epidemic - or people who think everything is of the utmost importance (to the guy at the deli: I WAS NOT cutting in front of you so don't get snippy with me, you looked to be in line with the woman in front of me, seeing as how you were digging in her purse and all)
* How annoyed I was at the short-lived corn processors association commercials trying to convince me that high fructose corn syrup is GOOD for me because it is made from corn and all natural. Uranium is all natural and you don't see people drinking that in their juice boxes.
Still haven't actually written ABOUT any of them, so I thought at the very least I could post the list here. Then it's kind of like writing about them, right?
* Why I like wearing shoes with heels: What it is like to be short
* How I became an obsessive bread baker
* Jamming (as in making some and putting it in a jar, sans botulism)
* The Olympia Farmer's Market: Real life food porn
* The high importance email epidemic - or people who think everything is of the utmost importance (to the guy at the deli: I WAS NOT cutting in front of you so don't get snippy with me, you looked to be in line with the woman in front of me, seeing as how you were digging in her purse and all)
* How annoyed I was at the short-lived corn processors association commercials trying to convince me that high fructose corn syrup is GOOD for me because it is made from corn and all natural. Uranium is all natural and you don't see people drinking that in their juice boxes.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Why I don't have an iPhone
Yesterday my new mobile phone arrived...and along with it a healthy dose of do-goodedness and fight the man power.
I switched from Verizon Wireless, a company I'd been with for many years, to Credo Mobile. Credo is a progressive company that donates 1% of all charges to progressive causes. I've known about Credo for a number of years now, but only made the decision to switch when I saw one of their bus wraps supporting gay marriage.
I received great customer service from Verizon; when a sicko from one of my jobs took the internal office phone list home and started making disgusting phone calls to all the young women, Verizon changed my number immediately for free and did not give my old number to anyone else. They even tracked down the phone that the calls came from, but it ended up being a pay phone somewhere in east King County.
However, my husband and I are not heavy cell minute users and if I'm going to be paying more for cell service than I think I need to pay, I'm at least going to try and do some good in the world.
Plus, I wanted a smartphone and Credo had cheap web access plans.
Truth be told, I'd like an iPhone, but I disagree with AT&T's political giving, so scratch that idea.
I switched from Verizon Wireless, a company I'd been with for many years, to Credo Mobile. Credo is a progressive company that donates 1% of all charges to progressive causes. I've known about Credo for a number of years now, but only made the decision to switch when I saw one of their bus wraps supporting gay marriage.
I received great customer service from Verizon; when a sicko from one of my jobs took the internal office phone list home and started making disgusting phone calls to all the young women, Verizon changed my number immediately for free and did not give my old number to anyone else. They even tracked down the phone that the calls came from, but it ended up being a pay phone somewhere in east King County.
However, my husband and I are not heavy cell minute users and if I'm going to be paying more for cell service than I think I need to pay, I'm at least going to try and do some good in the world.
Plus, I wanted a smartphone and Credo had cheap web access plans.
Truth be told, I'd like an iPhone, but I disagree with AT&T's political giving, so scratch that idea.
Monday, September 1, 2008
The importance of one's own notebook
To try and stay within an acceptable range of sanity while at work, I went out a month or so ago and bought myself one of those cool, creative-yet-tortured-soul moleskine notebooks. The idea behind the purchase was that I'll have a place to jot down notes of a more personal nature while at work and not run the risk of forgetting to tear the page out of the notebook I use for my job.
Things like my notes for my novel, crazy dreams I have while snoozing at my desk that one day may turn into my novel, ideas for awesome outfits I could wear for the author photo for my novel.
So far, I've written down a lot of grocery lists, titles of books I've heard about and want to read, the model and serial number of our furnace and the measurements of several walls in our house that could potentially fit a bar/sideboard. Not the most creative use, but you can't rush true genius.
It should be noted that I've also used the notebook (which is a flip-style notebook, much like a reporter would use) to jot down random, incoherent notes while dining at a restaurant in order to get better service because I look like a food writer. It works. You should try it.
Anyway, the importance to me of having this notebook that fits so perfectly into every single one of my purses is that there are no restrictions on what I can and cannot write down. Sure, I've kept journals in the past, but I put such a pressure on myself to write pithy, journal-worthy entries that eventually I gave up from the sheer exhaustion of feeling like I needed to document every little nuanced feeling I'd had over the last six months since I had last written. It got to be too much, especially on those days that I felt like my biggest accomplishment was just that my alarm clock went off 14 hours ago.
This notebook, with it's smooth black cover, grid-lined pages, handy pocket in the back and elastic band to hold it all together, means that my shopping lists, dinner plans and to-do lists fit in perfectly with hastily scrawled book titles, online log-in information, notes on what I like about my life and important dates to remember.
Some entries are dated, some I flip back to often, but all of them mattered to me at some point and none of them have to do with work.
Except for one page. I'd forgotten to bring my regular work notebook with me to a meeting out of the office and, in a moment of craziness, used this one. I regret that page and, had I not written personal notes on the flip side of the page, would have torn it out long ago. I regret that page.
I have a cell phone, a Blackberry, always on Internet and a calendar that sends reminders to my computer, Blackberry and cell phone...but this black notebook makes my day-to-day life more manageable.
Things like my notes for my novel, crazy dreams I have while snoozing at my desk that one day may turn into my novel, ideas for awesome outfits I could wear for the author photo for my novel.
So far, I've written down a lot of grocery lists, titles of books I've heard about and want to read, the model and serial number of our furnace and the measurements of several walls in our house that could potentially fit a bar/sideboard. Not the most creative use, but you can't rush true genius.
It should be noted that I've also used the notebook (which is a flip-style notebook, much like a reporter would use) to jot down random, incoherent notes while dining at a restaurant in order to get better service because I look like a food writer. It works. You should try it.
Anyway, the importance to me of having this notebook that fits so perfectly into every single one of my purses is that there are no restrictions on what I can and cannot write down. Sure, I've kept journals in the past, but I put such a pressure on myself to write pithy, journal-worthy entries that eventually I gave up from the sheer exhaustion of feeling like I needed to document every little nuanced feeling I'd had over the last six months since I had last written. It got to be too much, especially on those days that I felt like my biggest accomplishment was just that my alarm clock went off 14 hours ago.
This notebook, with it's smooth black cover, grid-lined pages, handy pocket in the back and elastic band to hold it all together, means that my shopping lists, dinner plans and to-do lists fit in perfectly with hastily scrawled book titles, online log-in information, notes on what I like about my life and important dates to remember.
Some entries are dated, some I flip back to often, but all of them mattered to me at some point and none of them have to do with work.
Except for one page. I'd forgotten to bring my regular work notebook with me to a meeting out of the office and, in a moment of craziness, used this one. I regret that page and, had I not written personal notes on the flip side of the page, would have torn it out long ago. I regret that page.
I have a cell phone, a Blackberry, always on Internet and a calendar that sends reminders to my computer, Blackberry and cell phone...but this black notebook makes my day-to-day life more manageable.
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